I'm about a week and a half post top surgery, and wow am I having a real mix of emotions. I'm obviously super happy that it's finally done, it's been about a year and a half since I embarked on this whole journey of a process to get this to happen. I couldn't be happier about the result and just, no longer hating my body. It's amazing. But I'm also having some pretty intense swings and other emotions which isn't causing me the best time.
This surgery and recovery has just completely thrown off my routine, and it wasn't until today that I've really acknowledged just how much of a routine I've actually built up for myself and how much help that's been in having enough stability to live my life. I haven't gone to work, or even done any work and I'm actually quite excited to be back at work tomorrow, even though it's still just from home. I haven't had my hair cut, or re-dyed and bleached so I am feeling, super scruffy.
Keeping my hair well cut, and dyed is actually something I use to help keeping me feeling alright, so having that routine thrown off is actually having quite an effect. I have also let my facial hair grow out a fair bit, which is actually quite cool, I'm getting quite a decent amount of it now, still scruffy looking and patchy as hell but wow, it's, really getting close to having a bit of a beard. Soon. Sooooon. My moustache is my pride and joy though. It's looking very good. So, that scruffy-ness is having a good impact on how I'm feeling.
I know it's also normal to be having a bit of a time of it after surgery, and it was a more intense surgery than the 3 I've had on my wrist so far. I was meant to see my psych the other day, but I rescheduled because I just, did not want to sit on a bus for an hour to get there. I probably should have gone though, it's now going to be a month till I can see him again. I'll get through though, I always do.