Trigger Warning: Self Harm and Suicide
Some of my best moments are still on this edge of living or dying and I've just gotten so used to this ever present balance. I guess certain things bring it out and make it super obvious. But it's there, always there.
Can't I just be happy when I'm happy. Why do I have to want to kill myself at the same time, maim myself even. Why.
I've gotten so used to this, and I don't think it's ever going to change.
How do I explain, it never leaves me.
It's what stops hospitals from admitting me. I have literally been asked, "but if you haven't killed yourself yet, what's to say you will tonight".