Trigger warning: Self harm and Suicide
Normally I can tell when I shouldn’t be making decisions, when my head isn’t thinking clearly. Unfortunately it rarely works out with me being able to prevent myself from doing anything. I know I’m not thinking right, but I don’t know what the right thinking is. But at least I know, and second guess things sometimes and am able to get someone involved if it’s too dire. Because I know I can’t trust my head.
Until today. I thought I was clearly thinking again after a bad episode, and had escaped with minor injuries no less. I didn’t think I had anything to look out for. It wasn’t like a blurry fight in my head, no shaking or anything. I wasn’t exactly calm, but I wasn’t distraught. I just looked blankly in the mirror for a while, it didn’t even register.
I feel like this heralds a more dangerous era within my mind. More and more I am finding myself unable to trust my own mind. The trouble is, by time I think to question it now, it’s done.