Coming off Everything / by Charlie Francis Cassidy

Well today was my last day of Pristiq. So I can look forward to all of those lovely withdrawals. My Seroquel and Valproate have also been dramatically lowered. To give you a bit of an idea here is what my regular doses were:
Pristiq - 150mg
Seroquel XR - 400mg
Valproate - 1500mg

and I still needed
Valium - morning and night - 5mg

Pristiq - 50mg this morning but now nothing
Seroquel XR - 100mg
Valproate - 500mg

And the extras are…
Lithium and Saphros! 

I can’t remember their doses though. Sounds bad, but seriously focusing on anything right now is a mission. How I’m even finishing uni work is amazing. I’ve also been on Lithium before, I can’t remember if it helped that much. Well, at the time it was worth coming off it to try other things. Oh and did I mention coming of Valproate *could* induce a seizure? Great isn’t it. Oh and Lithium, each time you stop it there are some studies that say it increases Manic symptoms. So yeah. I think the idea is that I’ll be on Lithium and Valproate but he just wants to be sure the Valproate is helping.

So here I am with my world falling away piece by piece, coming off everything. 

I am quite easily distracted and side tracked. I’ve done nothing productive today really, I meant to get a head start on an assignment but it looks pretty easy. I’ll do it tomorrow. I also have to record a video for it but I’ll do that when I get some leave and am at home. Better recording equipment than this mac, but I could do it here in a pinch.

On a side note, I’m actually doing a talk at a games conference relating to self care. My experience with mental health and going through a degree and still making games and stuff with it all gives me some perspective that I suppose I can share. That’s the idea anyway. It makes me consider making this blog public more and more. I know more people would then have access to it hopefully, and maybe that would help some people. 

Of course that also leaves me quite open, I mean I haven’t made huge steps in concealing this since I always wanted to link it to me but I still have some hesitation.

But really, what is the worst that can happen? I want to honest and open about my past because I shouldn’t feel like I have to hide these things. I have a disease that is treatable, and I am getting it treated.

I think I might have just talked myself into it.