Doing Things / by Charlie Francis Cassidy

Trigger warning: Self harm

Sometimes being manic can just be so productive. Like that is how I packed so quickly after I got out of hospital. And then unpacked completely the same day I moved. I have a lot of stuff too, so this is saying something. How I fit it all into my tiny room is a mystery.

Tonight, tonight I am so not good. I was at a friends and was practically losing my mind, I could not sit down or focus. But when I got home I just did stuff. I set up my bed better, sorted out a few more things. Compared to depression I guess the difference is pretty great and I don’t exactly experience much inbetween these two things.

Maybe I should focus this onto some business work but I think I’m too far gone now, it needs to be physical things, that’s what I’ve discovered. Otherwise the agitation gets the better of me. It can’t need great focus, I don’t know. I’ve taken my night meds cause I need to calm the hell down, probably get some sleep. Half n hour, I really can’t expect it to have done much by now, lately it can take 2 hrs to do anything.

Maybe it’s time for push-ups, though my wrist is a bit sore today. Too cold to go outside to box as well, or consider getting to the gym. So here I am typing furiously and making a million typing errors I’ll have to go through and fix. I’m sure I’ll miss some.

Maybe I’ll put some hooks up, do some sit-ups, do some something. I’ve got to go through the steps my psychiatrist gave me. Challenge the thoughts or something, then try to distract myself, I should find that list. I think I’ll need it. But it’s been over 3 weeks since I hurt myself, I can keep this up, right? Not sure who I’m asking here. This is a real achievement though.