Infinite. / by Charlie Francis Cassidy

Trigger warning: Self harm

I feel infinite. Unbelievably connected to everything there is or ever was. Like I understand something secret and powerful. I matter. I was born for greatness. I am meant to be here, right now. For what? That’s the part I don’t know. What I do know - is that I’m going to change the world. Why else would I possibly exist? People will know my name, people will know me long after I’m gone. I feel like I’m on the brink here. While I am back in hospital again, because this high has lasted far too long. Part of me knows this is what bipolar is, despite my psychiatrist still being on the fence either way. The other part is wondering why I would ever want to let this stop? I’m not depressed anymore, and so what if I’m not in control of my life. Sometimes I have to punch a tree, or hurt myself but isn’t that worth it in the pursuit of greatness? What if I’ll never be who I was meant to be if I quell what I am feeling right now? All I know is, that everything seems to make sense in this moment.