Trigger warning: Suicide
I don’t know that I can quite express how I feel right now. The sheer emptiness and endless pit somehow tinged with sad and the constant state of being on the verge of tears.
No reason why, nothing happened to me today. In fact, while a friend was visiting I was okay. But when he left I fell right back down this endless tunnel.
This, feeling like this makes it hard to pull myself into the next moment. Knowing that tomorrow, I’ll probably wake up to the same, it creates such a feeling of defeat. You keep fighting, for what - you start to think. Why do I bother. Helplessness.
Hearing about Robin Williams hit so close to home. Here I am, fighting for my life and so easily someone could have walked into my room too late.
That’s why I’m in here, and I’ll stay here till I have the strength to keep going. Mental illness is such a serious thing, people kill themselves because they can’t stand the pain they endure.
I once heard a good analogy for it. A person in a burning building would jump out of the window instead of the pain of burning alive.
It’s a lot like that. But we can put out that fire, if we get the chance.