Want Out / by Charlie Francis Cassidy

Trigger Warning - Withdrawals

I am so very close to telling my psychiatrist that I can’t do it anymore, being in here. It’s all voluntary and I think if I insisted he’d let me out but then again he could pull rank here and keep me here till I had come off everything he wants. Which will be soon anyway, maybe I could get myself out by the weekend.

I know I should stay in here, at least till the withdrawals and stuff is over and I’m off the Seroquel and Valproate completely too. And I’m at the right level of Lithium, cause it’s easier and quicker to do in here. I know I’ll have to try out this whole no anti-depressant thing out of hospital cause that will take some time to know fully.

This all probably seems a bit disjointed, I’m finding it hard to focus when the world seems to be spinning inside my head.

Long story short - I wish I could go home already but I guess I’ll stick it out a few more days. I don’t think I can go past this next weekend. But maybe I’ll have to, I don’t know. No, I’m going to ask tomorrow morning when the earliest is I could get out of here. I need to get out of here. Probably cause it wasn’t that long ago that I was in here anyway. I know, I’ve been here what, nearly 2 weeks. It’s been longer before. I can’t explain it, I just, maybe it’s all the chemical brain stuff. Maybe it’s cause like no one has been visiting me. It’s a busy time of year.

And if Valium is the best they can do to help my side effects, and some anti-nausea meds well I can do that at home anyway. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. Just today especially after being outside for parts of 3 days it has made me seriously homesick. I think I’m depressed today, welcome to that extreme of my moods. Can’t say it’s not expected, I’m not on anti-depressants and I don’t recall lithium being particularly helpful. Then again I don’t recall my time on it at all, sooooo….

I think I’m about to have a panic attack too. Aah my anxiety. Welcome back, you were so nicely suppressed on the Pristiq but here you are again. Lovely. I must trust my psychiatrist a lot to try this idea. Considering the fact that even weaker anti-depressants did nothing for me and left me in a deep - depression. Let’s try none at all!